I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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