when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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