you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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