oh god the rape fog is back!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
