K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize