I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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