We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
