I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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