i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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