It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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