Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drunk is not a location!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
