That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
