Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
