I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
