Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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