I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
