party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
