so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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