Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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