he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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