So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
