Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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