I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
