sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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