lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
