he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
