Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
