If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
