the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
