I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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