I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Enjoy the penises
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
