ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
