I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
