anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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