I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
