If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
