I could make wine with my vomit
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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