He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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