the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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