just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize