I hate your face
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
