She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
