every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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