Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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