he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she looked like the before picture.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
