Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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