On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she peed on how many people?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
