people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
