shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
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When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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