I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
