Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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