A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
