Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
