my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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