FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
