next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
