yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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