If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
