Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
