she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my shit smells like andre
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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