I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
