i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
