Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
