I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
