he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
