What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize