I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
