I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
