Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
