I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
