yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
