I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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