I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
