The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
