hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
