I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
As shirtless as possible
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
