a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
