My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
