He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
