I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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