walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
