There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
