is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
