I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think I am morally bankrupt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
