Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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