And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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