I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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